Progress

The eucalyptus tree was a favorite hangout spot for Tak. From the top he had a beautiful view of the entire clan’s territory and the surrounding area. During the day the tree provided relief from the scorching heat. It was under this very tree, in fact, where a cluster of eucalyptus berries fell on his head allowing Tak to devise a rudimentary formula for what he called the Law of Gravity.

This was Tak’s dilemma. Every once in a while a situation would present itself that would shed light on some important equation that would shed a clearer light on the complex properties that interacted with objects both living and not living on what he called the Earth. He had a whole list of them in his head. The Theory of Relativity, the Law of Displacement, the Velocity Theory, the Law of Mass Infusion, the Fluxion Method, the Law of Flavors, and the Theory of Distance of Food and Hunger As It Pertains To How Tired Or Lazy One May Be. The problem lay in the fact that it was only a couple of hundred years ago that his species began walking upright. They were still using grunts, groans and hand gestures as their primary form of communication. They had a hard enough time trying to figure out what they were having for dinner and trying to communicate that information to the other members of the clan much less trying to grasp the concept that bodies attract each other with a force that varies inversely as the square of their distance. Tak, however, did posses the unusual ability to, not only grasp this concept, but to understand it in a very deep and meaningful way.

They had no form or method of writing or language, yet, Tak in his heart believed that these strange thoughts that he called formulas would someday help his species grow and advance above the berry-pickers and the cave dwellers. He also had a dream that one day someone from his species would walk on what he called the moon. Tak then fell into a blissful sleep under the eucalyptus tree and he dreamt.

A loud WHACK! had awaken Tak from his slumber underneath the eucalyptus tree. He looked around then heard another deafening WHACK! His tree shuddered a moment and then fell silent. He turned around to the other side of the tree and standing there holding a four foot double-edged axe was a tall figure, the shape of which was not unlike his own. He was wearing some kind of skin or cloth that was deliberately cut to fit around his legs, chest and arms. He was also wearing some kind of stylish headdress made out of a soft, fine looking material with what looked like a brim that surrounded the perimeter of the headpiece. Tak was momentarily reminded of his own headpiece that he made five days ago out of the branches of an elderberry bush.

He stared a moment as the figure slowly raised the giant axe above his shoulders then swung it sharply sideways at such a velocity that its impact with the tree took a large wedge-shaped chunk out of the side. The tree shuddered again.

Tak immediately stood up. “Hey, what’s the big idea?!” he yelled as he walked over to the figure. He was considerably shorter than the strapping foreigner. He saw the large gap that had been created by the axe and he began waving his hands around like a madman.

“Just what do you think you are doing, my good man? I don’t know where you come from but around these parts we respect each other’s property,” Tak complained with the fervor and conviction of a congressman.

The man, whose name was Jethro, stood and looked at Tak with amazement.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” Jethro thought to himself. Before him stood a creature, not unlike his own design, but much shorter and much, much, much hairier. The creature was waving his hands in the air grunting and groaning and making absolutely no sense whatsoever.

“I wish I knew how to speak your lingo little fella,” Jethro thought. “We might be able to have a nice conversation about the weather or the big flood that took place here last week or why our wives are so cranky, it seems, once a month.”

Tak heightened his protest at the sight of four other eucalyptus trees in the distance that had been chopped to the ground.

“But right now I’ve got work to do. We’re in the process of deforesting there here timber grove to make way for a new slaughterhouse and rail depot. And seeing how you’re jumping up and down like a madman directly in the path of ol’ Bessie here I’d have to come to the conclusion that you’re impeding progress of the greater good.”

And with that he raised his axe high above his head. Tak stopped protesting long enough to watch the razor sharp blade of the axe come whipping straight down on the middle of his forehead.

Tak’s final thought was this: the velocity of an object shall be defined as having both magnitude and direction and the magnitude of this velocity shall be called speed. Tak’s Theory of Impact.